Time we had a chat...

Hey there lovelies, I think it's time we had a chat. 



This post might end up being anger fueled and a little ranty, (not that that's even a word) but lets go.. I sometimes question myself with my ability to do things whether that be my job, be a good girl friend, which my other half repeatedly tells me, I am. But I sometimes doubt my self for some unknown reason. I doubt my ability to blog... do I have the right to blog... Am I good enough to blog.. I failed English 3 times and still don't have and GCSE in English to this day. So why should I? Why do I? 

All things I seem to be asking my self lately, So I sat down and had little think about whether this was something that I really wanted to do or whether it was just something that I was doing to fill a gap in a dull day.. and in some ways yes that is why I do it. But I also do it for this very reason.. to vent what I'm thinking and how i'm feeling in a hope of someone saying "I get how you feel"   "I feel the same" or even "you helped me" for what ever that reason that may be.

I sometimes question whether people, friends, family support me with this thing I do... To a lot of my family and friends this "Blogging World" is very new to them and don't really get it, so I think they find it hard to support something they don't understand... But it sometimes leaves me feeling a little alone, and thinking why I bother if the people I care about don't really read it... it shouldn't bother me that people aren't reading what I write, I do what I do for me and me alone. I guess I shouldn't need approval, but it would be nice every now and then.. Is that so wrong of me to ask? 

Do I see my blog going anywhere? Is another question I keep asking my self.. I then come back to the whole thing of thinking "I'm not good enough"  why would it go anywhere .. Confidence has never been a strong point for me, I've always lacked it and I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever get better with it. I don't really know what I can do to improve it. Out of curiosity I checked my google ad sense the other day, I don't check it much as it's not like i'm earning hundreds over night... and the stats said that I was in the same position as I was this time last year, well safe to say that was downer. But I think it helped me worked harder, I wanted to change that... I gave my blog a little make over and changed it's theme and I kinda love it, and the big thing I did was get my own domain. Which makes me feel a little more official. 
My other half pointed out that he loves that i'm a go getter... that's not something I get called every day and not something i'd use to describe my self.. but by writing this post tonight there is one thing I've learn't about my self and that's I don't have a lot of faith in my self, I guess that's why I have him! 

It bothers be when people don't think that bloggers don't work hard... its my day off and I've spent 9 hours of my day typing up 2 posts... neither of which are finished as they need more writing and photos and those photos then need editing and don't get me wrong I enjoy the whole photography side of it, that is one reason I started my blog.. the amount of photos I take is simply too many to post on Instagram, I think people would genuinely start to unfollow me if I posted them all. It is just a little disheartening when you put so much effort and time into 1 post for not even 10 people to like it/ view it/ share it or even acknowledge it.... 

Do you ever feel stuck... and can't see your self moving any time soon, but even if you could move you have no clue where you would go or what you would do? That's me right now, but I think I need to stop thinking about what is expected of a "blogger" Like the perfectly white back drops to all your photos, for you have a huge following and get tones of retweets/ saves/ follows and just enjoy rambling on about nothingness and enjoy the right now... 

If you read this great. If you don't hey ho!
I guess I didn't really have a point to this post, it's just a ramble,
This is why I should not late night blog!! 


Hannah 
xx 

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