When Shit Hits The Fan - Part Uno

I never know how to start my posts and this one in particular is a difficult one. As you may have seen plastered all over my social media I went on a well deserved holiday with my fiancĂ© on the 20th of May and we were due to stay for 10 whole days, which we were both so excited for. In the run up to our time off we had both been running at work like mad hatters and were counting down the seconds to when we could finally leave. Well I wish we had stayed exactly where we were if I'm honest with you. 

Day 1 started like any other day when on holiday, you gather your bearings of the area and hotel, we chilled by the pool and had dinner and went to bed early, as I said we'd been running like mad hatters so we were knackered. Woke up on day 2, It was a little cloudy so we took it slow with no rush to go any where after all we had another 9 days to go, so why would we rush right? It was bliss. We played mini golf, drank beer and walked along the beach back to the hotel taking in all the views and how nice it was to finally be somewhere where we didn't have to think about work. We sat by the pool chatting about life and how happy we were at the moment, we were peaceful but Martin for the life of him can't sit still. (If he ever tells you differently don't bloody believe him!! ) So naturally he took any opportunity he could to get involved in any activities at the hotel, So I lost him for about an hour or so. Which was fine, I'm soo OK with just sitting by the pool and dozing in and out of sleep in the warm sun ( That finally put its hat on). Thats what I went on holiday to do after all!! When he was done playing around we grabbed a few beers and sat on the edge of the pool and chatted some more, and again we discussed how happy we were and how this was exactly what had both been dreaming off for months. The sun on faces, the warm breeze brushing past us, beer in hand and in each others company. I literally could not have asked for more!

After a brief dunk in the pool, which was a little on the chilly side I'd like to add, Martin said he had a pain in his chest on the left hand side. He put it down to pulling a muscle caused by getting into the pool and the shock of the cold water. He told me it was bearable and he was ok and we made our way up to the room and got ready to go down for dinner. So 7.30 comes around we made our down to the restaurant and were amazed at the choice there was pick from, we grabbed a beer and made our food choices and sat down. Martin said the pain got a little worse, he seemed a little out of it if I'm honest but I just assumed the pain was getting a little to much for him and he wasn't focusing on anything  very well, his chest felt a little tight and he felt out of breath. (which was something he had mentioned before we went away; we both thought nothing of it)  At dinner we discussed finishing up and going for a walk along the beach and watching the sun set, but by the time we were done he felt worse and just wanted to lie down, a little disappointed we weren't going to see the sun set that evening. I just thought It's ok we have all week. Up in the room he took some paracetamol and lay down to nap, told me to wake him up in a hour but I too fell asleep with the  TV still playing in the background.

A few hours past and I woke up to sound of Martin coughing, a very irregular cough like he was choking. I asked him if he was ok and he just pointed to his chest, I made my way to my handbag to get him some Ibuprofen and he shook his head and ran to the bathroom. I assumed he was just being sick, and he'd eaten something that didn't agree with him. he shouts from the bathroom "Hannah, Call an Ambulance. I need an ambulance" to my absolute horror I ran to the bathroom to see him with his head in the sink and it covered in blood, he continued coughing and more blood appeared. In panicked state I tried to call reception via the phone in the room, which was about as useful as a chocolate fucking fire guard. So I ran down to reception barefoot, bearing in mind we were on the 9th floor ... with the security guard about to tell all about their no shoes policy in the reception area (which I did NOT have time for)  I just ignored him, which wound him up as it would any body but when I starting speaking to the receptionist he quickly ceased his words. Now if the receptionist didn't speak English, I'm not entirely sure what I would have done as not a great deal of Spanish people/doctors/ nurses speak English as I later found out. The receptionist kindly rang for an ambulance for me, and told me that they are on their way but didn't give a time but he said their usual time response is about 20-30 minutes. In that moment I thought was absolutely appalling, looking back isn't too bad. But while back up in the room with Martin and waiting for the paramedics it felt like hours. I felt helpless. I literally could do nothing to make it better. I gave him water to rinse his mouth out to rid the taste of blood for a few seconds and got him a seat to sit on at the sink so he wasn't just hovering. He was getting dizzy and disoriented, and kept telling me he can't do it anymore, he can't breath. Thank god this was when the paramedics rocked up. They examined him and questioned me about everything that had happened throughout the day,  but there was nothing out of the ordinary to tell. Their first assumption was that he had taken drugs or had drank to much and I had to try really hard to convince them other wise. But when I told them about his previous cancer they believed me and really took everything seriously. At this point Martin is still coughing up blood and feeling dizzy they took him down to the ambulance and monitored his breathing and gave him oxygen, which he later told me was when he could actually breath again.. an over an hour after it initially started. A second ambulance arrived to the hotel and this was the one that took us to hospital, but before they would take us there they wanted/ needed to stabilise the bleed as he was still bringing up a lot of blood. The put a tube into his chest and drained the blood. English doctors think that was an absurd action as the paramedics here would never do that apparently. But I'm glad they did, that's potentially the move that means he's with me now and I'll be forever grateful for. 

The ambulance ride felt like forever, but it was only about 10-15 mins, at the hospital I was taken to the reception desk to fill out some of Martins details and I watched them whisk him past me and down a corridor and then didn't see him for 1 1/2 hours,  I rang my mum who I had already spoken to at the hotel when It was all happening, and she did her best to get me to calm down. But the truth is, I felt like it was all just a nightmare and some point I was about to wake up and see Martin still asleep next to me in our hotel bed.  I finally spoke to doctor who tried his best to tell me what was going on with the little English that he spoke, He told me it was serious and he would potentially need to be in hospital for 7 to 10 days. which is not something I was not ok about. I then panicked about how we were going to get home.. I'm shocking booking flights and organising things like that, Martin always deals with those things. The doctor sent me up to the second floor and told me to turn right out of lift and go all the way the end and wait. Ok, how hard can that be? It was hard. This floor was like something out of a zombie apocalypse, there was NO ONE in sight, no movement, Nothing. Every other light in this 2 mile long corridor was off.. As if I wasn't freaked out enough the atmospheric lighting really did not help the situation. I sat and waited for half hour and rang my mum again, but I really wasn't convinced I was in the right place so I headed back down to the reception desk where I had first arrived at and asked them to tell me if had been waiting in the right place, the kind lady wrote it down on a pice of paper for me, I headed back up and it was strangely comforting to know that I had been in the right place to begin with. It wasn't long this time before a nurse came out to see me. She spoke to me and briefed me on what was going on, but at the moment they really sure what had happened but they had stabilised him and he was breathing on his own with a little oxygen then they finally let me in to see him.

After seeing him lying in the hospital bed looking a little worse for wear in the ICU, I was told that I had to leave and come back tomorrow within the visiting hours. I knew that would be the case but it was still hard leaving him there. I just wanted to hold his hand and sit there with him.  I knew he was in the best possible care and he would be ok. A kiss good bye, a 3am taxi ride back to the hotel and 28 Euros poorer I got into bed and begged my brain to switch off even for an hour. I woke up around 8am feeling semi refreshed so I must have slept at some point but I'm not entirely sure how long for. 

I couldn't stomach breakfast, or the thought of seeing people if I'm honest. It was the last thing I wanted to do. But messaging Martin and knowing he was ok, and I couldn't go and see him for another 4 hours I took to the pool, where I lay for a few hours in the morning sun. But nothing could stop me from thinking about Martin... what was happening? was he going to be ok? Has his cancer come back? is it a new cancer? Is it cancer? worse? how long? My brain was in over drive, I had to go back to the hospital, I had to!! I threw some clothes on and scrapped my hair into a ponytail and splashed my face with water and asked reception to call me a taxi to the hospital. The shock on her face was a little priceless to be honest, she thought it was for me and I could see her scanning me up and down to see what was wrong. I told her my partner was in there and I saw her click ... I know hotel staff talk about the guests...She gave me her best wishes, and I went about my day.

In the hospital Martin was sat up in bed eating his lunch and looking a little more like himself, he was connected up so many machines all monitoring different things. It was heart breaking to see him like that, but I knew it was for his own good. we chatted a for a little, nurse after nurse came into the room checking up on him. And we started trying to process a claim for our insurance as they doctors were all saying they want to get him home as soon a possible where he can be treated in his own country and in language we could understand. We have never wanted to be in England so much in our life. Trying to find out how much of our medical bills would be covered or how would need to paid was the next stressful hurdle that I had to deal with. Again this is Martins area of expertise, he knows what to do all the time and has answer for everything. Which I love, but at the time kinda hated, I wish had handled things more and maybe I would have been a little more prepared to deal with a difficult situation. 

40 hours pass by without a relapse and no breathing assistance they finally move him to a ward where he has a little more freedom to walk around and isn't bed bound anymore, as soon as he could move around he instantly looked better. The doctor and nurses were all in shock considering the condition in which he came into the hospital, they believe that he shouldn't have been able to stand up never mind go for walks. But this is Martin after all, He's stubborn, strong willed and determined  and if he wants something he will do he damn best to get it and if at first he fails he will try again, thats just the way he is.

A few days pass by which are filled with phone call after phone call.. If I wasn't on the phone to Martins family it was my family and if it wasn't family I was trying to deal with our insurance company to get are air ambulance home for him, the doctors really didn't want to  allow him to go on commercial flight on their watch. It got to the point where we had no choice but ignore the Doctors reccomenedation and book a commercial flight home and for Martin to discharge himself this way it anything happened on the flight we couldn't blame the hospital. We had ideas to get a ferry home or to drive although these options didn't have the complications of altitude difference which have possibilities of blood clots and other health risks, they would however mean we would be traveling for 1-4 days instead of a 2 1/2 hour flight... It was a hard choice to make and I won't lie I wasn't actually happy about it. I was terrified,  If anything had happened on the flight I would never have been able to forgive myself for allowing him on that flight and not trying harder to find him an air ambulance. But since then I count my lucky stars that we made into Birmingham airport perfectly fine... so fine.. he felt normal the whole way and it was like nothing had even happened which I still can't get my head around. My parents met us of the plane and drove us straight to Birmingham Queen Elizabeth Hospital. In A&E we waited and waited, which wound me up as nothing really seemed to be happening people were going in and coming straight back out, I hoped they wouldn't do they same to us when our turn finally came around. They call for us, we sit down and explain the situation and with Spanish scans and tests results in our hands she asks to see them and within seconds her reaction gave us the answer, we weren't going home tonight..

The A&E Nurse demanded that another nurse ran some tests on Martin as she ran off with the Spanish notes to see if she could find someone who translate them for us. We'd used goggle so we had a small understanding to what they say but even now I don't know word for word what they say. knowing what we now know I'm glad I didn't know what the Spanish doctors had to say,  I would never have let him leave the bed never the hospital and get on a plane. We were taken through to our own cubical in A&E, which not all patients seem to have which made me think it was a little more serious. He went through for an X-ray and had some bloods taken for tests and we were told wait for a bed to come available on a ward for him as they didn't want him to go home without having monitored him, because again they couldn't understand how he was standing... and just overall looking ok. He was told serval times that he doesn't even look sick. 11.00pm comes round and he still hasn't been given a bed yet... my parents are still waiting for me so they take me home as I had no car and it's an 1 1/2 drive to just to get me home and an extra 25 mins from my house to theirs, I made the decision to leave and I would go back in the morning with my car. As much as I wanted to sit there with him a while longer I couldn't. 

He then went on to stay in CDU for 4 days, and from there he saw more doctors and had more tests and stared at 4 walls, when they decided he was stable enough to an out patient they let him come home but we knew we'd be back very soon.

Thank you so much for reading and to all my friends and family you have all been absolute gems, though we may not tell you all daily, just know that we love you and appreciate everything that all do and have done for us. This was just begining and has taken me a long time to write, having to re live the worst day of my 25 years is hard but its an easy way to pass on the story to all those who wish to know what happened and the process that is happening. I will be doing a follow up post with details of his diagnosis and the 21 week path that is Chemotherapy. We have recently set up a just giving page, thoughout martins chemo he's going to start to struggle to do many things for him self,  I would love to work part time and become his part time carer.  I want to do my best for him and look after him. We have not been given a time scale of his life expectancy purely because his cancer is so rare that there aren't any tests currently going on. We don't know what the next few months have to hold, but we need to live in moment and be truly grateful for the true blessings we have been handed. Martin is the best thing to have happened to me and I can't possibly imagine not having him by side. But with the help of you I could afford to spend more time by his side, making more memories. 


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